Picking Up Again

It's safe to say my first attempt at blogging did not go too well since I wrote three posts and then fell off the face of the earth, but I've decided to get back up and try again.

Since my last post my life "got flipped, turned upside down" as Will Smith puts it in the Fresh Prince of Bel Air theme song.  The long distance relationship that I mentioned in my first post came to a very abrupt end.  If you don't know me well, then you will never understand what this has done to me, unless you too have invested 7 years into a relationship only to be blindsided with the truth that you are no longer loved.  If you do know me well, then this is not new news to you.

Over the past 3 months, my mother has been my greatest supporter.  She has felt my pain and emotion with me and without her my coping process would not be going as it is.  She keeps me company when I feel lonely, she listens when I speak, she encourages me when I want to quit.  She has loved me when I felt unlovable, and given me a place to run when I wanted to feel safe.  She has given me courage and strength.  If time heals all wounds, then she is doing her best to make sure time passes as quickly as possible for me.

I thought that my mom was "retired" now that both her children are out of the house.  She did a fantastic job raising us and now gets to spend her days however she wants as opposed to chauffeuring, tutoring, and cleaning up after my brother and I.  I'm learning now that a mother's job does not simply end once her children leave.  If anything, it gets more difficult.  She has to mother us from a distance, and might spend most of her time with her fingers crossed, hoping that we make good decisions.  As we grow up, so do our problems, concerns, and fears, and a mother has to be ready at a moments notice to dispel the latest issue.  Whereas I once fell off my bike and needed help up, I now am broken-hearted and need mending.  It may take more time and effort, but she is certainly still up to the challenge.

I know that one day I'll get to be a mother, and I honestly do hope that I will get to be the mother that my mom has been for me.  I also know, that my mom will be with me, mothering me as I go.

AJ